the people i meet | rebecca perkins

Introducing Rebecca Perkins

2014 has been an amazing year and, without a doubt, the thing I have enjoyed the most has been meeting and collaborating with a whole lot of fabulous people working in the field of dating. One of those people is Rebecca Perkins. When we met earlier in the year, I developed a total crush on her, as she rocked up wearing the coolest outfit with her signature converse and her gorgeous silver pixie haircut.  She came armed with a gift for me – an amazing book Best Knickers Always: 50 Lessons for midlife – that she had just had published and… well lets just say I was blown away.

Having turned 45 in 2014, I very much welcomed an inspirational midlife role model so she came into my life at the perfect time. Life is good like that. We are now about to collaborate on the most awesome project together which is literally going to change the face of dating. (As I write this, I’m multi-tasking because I’m creating a brand new website for our brand new irresistible dating venture together). Watch this space for details soon of our irresistible offering but before that, I want to introduce you to this cool woman.

1.Tell us why you do what you do? (I love hearing about people’s ‘why’)

I came through a really tough patch during my early 40s. I actually woke on my 40th birthday feeling really low, not because I was now 40 but because I realised I was deeply unhappy and I didn’t know what to do about it. I had all the trappings of a happy, married life – kids, dog etc but was empty inside. It took me 5 more years and many trips to the doctor (for antidepressants) to realise that I had to end my marriage if I was to survive. It was the toughest decision I have ever had to make as we had 3 children and had been married for 20 years. My daughter was also suffering with Anorexia at the time, I had one son preparing to leave home for University and another who had lost the plot at school. It was all piling up. At the time I was retraining to become a life coach and took up writing a blog to help me make sense of what was going on. Very quickly I realised that what I had to say in my blog was resonating with other women in midlife. What I was going through – divorce, becoming financially independent, dating once again, dealing with teenagers as a single parent etc was what others were going through too. To be an inspiration, a support for other women was wonderful. I am passionate about midlife as a beginning of the next phase of life and not the beginning of the end and I encourage other women (and men) to feel the same way. It’s a privilege to do the work that I love.

2. What are three key things you’ve learned since you’ve been involved in this line of work?

• I’ve learned that we are way, way more courageous and resilient than we believe we are.
• I’ve learned that to live a happy and fulfilled life (and have a positive romantic relationship) it helps enormously to have a strong sense of self, to know our values and to have boundaries.
• I’ve learned that to be loved and to feel loveable is all we’re really looking for.

3. Given our new initiative together, Irresistible Dating, can you tell us why you think it’s so important for everyone to get their online dating profile right? 

I’m so excited about it! Online dating is a vast industry and growing daily, so many people of all ages are turning to dating websites in the hope of finding love. So much is changing and it’s happening rapidly. There is a lot of competition and we’re all short of time. When I was dating online I found I got easily frustrated by the poor quality of profiles – and as a writer it really irritated me that people put no effort or care into what they were writing. Let’s be honest, you’re writing your personal advertising campaign so it’s got to be good, right?! There’s a lot of competition out there, so by writing an interesting and intriguing profile and having great photos you shorten the odds. It’s actually easy to stand out if you put the effort in at the beginning and that starts with your username!

4. How do you plan to get the best out of people who are signing up for Irresistible Dating?

I love my work as a coach, I listen well and often pick up things clients say they’re not even aware of having said. I know already from feedback from the people I’ve be supporting as they write their irresistible profile that they feel safe and at ease stepping out of their comfort zone because they know I’m there to support and guide them. I act as their cheerleader and confidence boost too. It’s not easy opening up to someone you don’t know to share your worries and concerns about finding love. I create a space for them to explore all this, I encourage and give constructive feedback. I feel very blessed to be allowed into their world to work with them on something that is deeply private and very public at the same time.

5. And what would you say to people who might read about our new initiative and think to themselves: ‘Eeek that sounds pretty scary and a lot of hard work just to get an online dating profile, I’ll think I’ll give it a miss!’.

What we’re offering isn’t for everyone, we’re aware of that. It’s not for those who want a profile written for them or those who don’t want to spend time in thinking about what they really want.

However, if you’re fed up with the lack of matches or lack of people that you’d imagine having a relationship with then give it a go. You just don’t know! It’s for those who really do want to give their profile its best shot and invest some time thinking about their values and what’s really important to them. It’s also important to say that I don’t write the profile for my clients, I work with them, coaxing them out of themselves in a way with lots of questions. I encourage them to get creative in their writing. It’s fun, it’s also hard work. But is it worth it? You bet!

5. What is the one big outcome from taking part in Irresistible Dating that makes it worth signing up for?  Is there more than one?

Oh my goodness, there are so many. Firstly there’s the fact that you’ll come away with a profile you’ve written and can be justly proud of. It’ll be you but on your very best day! You also get the opportunity for self reflection, to question your values and those things that are important to you in a relationship. So many people go into a relationship without having any idea of what they really want….and I’m not talking about a shopping list of attributes but something much deeper and longer lasting. That I think is one of the greatest outcomes, a greater sense of self awareness and that has to be a good thing.

Please complete the sentences:

I’m currently inspired by…collaboration. Two brains are way more creative than one on its own! I am also inspired daily by my children. They are the wind beneath my wings and show me what I’m capable of, they are my greatest supporters and heroes.

I’m at my happiest when…I’m in flow whether that’s writing, coaching, sewing, being with my children. I’m also happy when being inspired by exciting projects …just like the one you and I are planning!

Saturday nights are for….curling up on the sofa with a good film or listening to some cool music and a glass of wine after a day out wandering around off the beaten track bits of London with my man.