the five things people like to hear in that first email

So when I was online dating, I gradually learned that if I wanted to hurry up and find love, I’d have to initiate contact with prospective dates at least some if not half of the time. No point sitting around waiting for love to fall in my lap, I knew I’d have to put the effort in. So in my time, I crafted a fair few first emails. If done well, this can really up your response rate and give a nice little boost to your self-esteem (not that you need external validation of course guys). So, here are my tried and tested top five things that people like to hear in that first email, that’s gonna make them hit that send button.

1. personalise it

Start off using their name, or user name, if that’s all you know. Obvious, I know. But I had lots of emails from guys where they just launched straight into their message and I felt cold reading it. Reading my name made me feel warmer towards them. This warm feeling basically means that you’re starting to build an emotional connection. And that, people, is what you’re striving to do. If you’re already online dating, I imagine you know exactly what I’m talking about.

2. make it all about them

Building on my last first point, make sure the majority of your message (which should be fairly brief – 100/150 words ought to do it) is about them. Show them that you’ve read their profile. Whenever I received messages where the guy was going on about himself, I usually switched off. But on the odd occasion when someone made it about me, usually highlighting something in my profile that made him want to write to find out more, now that made me feel good, a bit special even. I’d usually want to write back then. Compelled. This is a better tactic than general compliments – which can be, and often are, cut and paste and sent to lots of people.

3. ask questions

While you’re crafting your email, you need to keep in mind that everything about it needs to make them feel compelled to write back to you. The easiest way to compel people to write back is to ask questions. But make them relevant, brief and interesting. Asking what their favourite colour is, probably aint gonna cut it. (Yup, I’ve had that too). Put yourself in their shoes and imagine what questions might make them want to respond.

4. copy their tone

The best way to continue building on that emotional connection is by copying their tone and style. As they read your email they will, unconsciously, feel there is a bond between you if you’re using a similar tone and style. Result! Reread their profile and check how it reads. Is it serious, funny, sarcastic, cautious? Figure out their tone and use it in your first email.