What does your dating profile say about you?
Are you a Narcissist, a Chancer or a ‘Fake It Til You Make It’ Dater? What does your dating profile say about you?
As you’re probably aware, in online dating people are making instant decisions about you based on how you look and what you say in your dating profile. In online dating we only have two ways of communicating who we are; words and pictures. Forget all the interesting intricacies of eye contact, sensuous subtleties of flirting and nimble nuances of facial expression and body language – even the most exciting, well written and fabulous dating profile in the world can’t get all that human stuff across. So what does your dating profile say about you? We thought we’d take a look at some of the most common types of dating profiles you’re likely to come across and examine what it says about the person behind the profile. Which one are you? And more importantly, which one do you want to be?
The Authentic Dater
This person has a strong sense of who they are and they’re totally happy to show it. Self love is their mantra. Their photos are natural, spontaneous and happy, their personality is jumping off the screen and you are instantly drawn to them. They’re likely to have strong, bold dating photos taken outdoors with plenty of colour and interesting backdrops that give you a sense of what makes them tick. When you meet them, they look like their photos and they come across as the friendly, warm person you expected when you read their profile. That’s because they are a genuine person, they are who they say they are and they are interested in making new connections and finding love.
The ‘Fake It Til You Make It’ Dater
This common type of dater is not entirely comfortable in his or her own skin and is putting on a bit of a front. They might be lacking in confidence or afraid to show the real them – often for valid reasons such as previous heartbreak or low self esteem. Their way around this is to create an online dating persona they see as more attractive and more likely to win dates than if they were just themselves. For example, their dating profile reads like a litany of everything hip and trendy – all the latest fads and fashions get a mention, from meditation to avocado lattes and they list hobbies and pastimes in their dating profile that they’ve never actually done in their entire life. Their photos aren’t natural and do more to hide than show their personality – they use glamorous studio headshots, wear sunglasses, have heavily photoshopped images or have lots of group photos with ‘trendy’ friends. Underneath it all, there is often an Authentic Dater desperate to get out – for this reason they should not be confused with The Chancer.
The Chancer
Beware The Chancer. This person is not into online dating for genuine reasons but is motivated by selfishness and is out for all they can get. The Chancer is possibly married or has a partner, or is potentially a scammer looking to cheat you out of cash or steal your identity. We often hear horror stories in the press about this type of dater – some sections of the media like to pretend online dating is teeming with scammers. Actually it’s pretty rare to come across this type of person in online dating and there are often glaring warning signs. They’ll usually only have one or two photos, which will probably be of poor quality or look fake, they’ll have minimal information about themselves in their dating profile and they’ll often not behave normally in your early conversations – for example they’ll ask you for personal details such as your address, ask you for money, ask to come to your house or declare their love for you before you’ve even met.
The Apologetic Dater
This person is so lacking in confidence that their whole dating profile reads like an apology: “sorry if I’m not what you’re looking for!” Their dating photos don’t do anything to sell this person or show their strengths at all – they’ll be wearing unflattering clothes in bland, neutral colours, and their poses will look uncomfortable or awkward. Perhaps they’re hunching their shoulders, folding their arms or they have bad posture. Even though this person is often lovely, genuine and interesting with plenty to offer a partner, they don’t believe this themselves and they hold back when writing their dating profile. They don’t emphasise their big achievements and successes, but tend to focus on things they lack, for example “I’m not a very sociable kind of guy and prefer nights in.” This person is sometimes the Authentic Dater before they got Hey Saturday on board to take their dating photos and inject them with confidence!
The Narcissist
The Narcissist is quite partial to dating photos which show them hanging out with famous, celebrity ‘friends’ at glitzy awards do’s. Or they’ll be at the top of a mountain at a very trendy ski resort (they’ll make sure they point out which one), or sunbathing on a yacht with beautiful, tanned people – basically anything that shows you how damn amazing they are and how awesome their life is. When you meet this person for a date, you’ll be lucky to get a word in edgeways as they’re not in the least bit interested in finding out about you – they’ll be talking non stop about the great new flat they’ve just bought, the expensive holiday they’ve just booked or the great job they’ve been headhunted for. The Narcissist is sometimes fond of a mirror selfie. Often they’ll be keen to show off their toned gym bod too so they may appear half naked (not realising that this sends all the wrong kind of signals about what they’re looking for).
So, what does your dating profile say about you? Have you figured out which one you are? How are you going to become The Authentic Dater we all want to be? Nudge Nudge, wink wink, say no more. Book a shoot.
Cool words by Lauren, first two photos by Nicole and the last two by Saskia
